 Have you ever wondered why some people effortlessly stick to New Year's resolutions while others abandon them by mid-January? Gretchen Rubin, the author of "The Happiness Project," offers illuminating answers through her Four Tendencies framework—a personality system that reveals how we respond to expectations. Rubin identifies two types of expectations we all face: outer expectations (like work deadlines) and inner expectations (like personal goals). How we respond to these expectations determines which of four tendencies we fall into. The four tendencies are as follows: Upholders These self-starters readily meet both outer and inner expectations. They wake up thinking, "What's on the schedule today?" and keep commitments to themselves just as seriously as those made to others. While they excel at meeting goals, Upholders can sometimes struggle with flexibility when plans change unexpectedly. Questioners This group questions all expectations and will meet them only if they believe they make sense. They resist anything arbitrary and need to understand the "why" behind every request. Once convinced something is worthwhile, Questioners follow through beautifully—though their constant need for justification can exhaust those around them. Obligers Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle with inner ones. They'll meet a friend for a 6 a.m. workout, but can't seem to exercise alone. This is the largest tendency group, and Obligers often feel frustrated by their inability to meet self-imposed goals. The solution? Create external accountability—hire a trainer, join a class, or find a workout buddy—to transform those inner expectations into outer ones. Rebels Rebels resist all expectations, both outer and inner. They value freedom and self-determination above everything, wanting to act in alignment with their identity and choices. Tell a Rebel they must do something, and watch them dig in their heels. However, Rebels can accomplish remarkable things when they reframe goals as personal choices that express their authentic selves rather than obligations. Although it's good to understand your tendency, keep in mind that your natural tendencies may shift in different circumstances or with age and maturity. However, by working with our natural inclinations rather than fighting against them, we can design systems and strategies that actually work for our unique personality, making it far easier to achieve our goals. An Obliger can stop beating themselves up for needing external accountability, while a Questioner can honor their need for information before committing. You can read more about the Four Tendencies on Ruben's website. Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I reveal my tendency and share how I work with it to get stuff done. See you soon! If you liked this, you may like the article Run Towards the Fear.  Is Coaching Right for You? Take the quiz to find out!
 The holiday season is kicking off for many of us, and it has me thinking about how to move through all the upcoming activity with more joy and gratitude. Thanksgiving invites us to slow down, connect, and appreciate the good in our lives—but it can also bring stress, expectations, and challenging interactions. Is there a way to enjoy the best of the holiday while leaving tension and disconnection at the door? I don’t know about you, but when I get together with my beloved family, I can easily slip into a younger version of myself. Old patterns emerge, old grievances flare, and before long, my inner judge starts spinning negative stories that aren’t helpful—yet I still find myself believing them. A recent Positive Intelligence (PQ) blog post captured this perfectly: “Analyzing, worrying, and spinning in a mental circle primarily activates the Survival Brain. The harder you think, the deeper you dig the hole of stress and anxiety. Your Saboteurs love to keep you stuck in this spiral.” What’s becoming increasingly clear to me is that the Survival Brain can’t think its way out of an emotional hijack—it only digs us in deeper. The fastest way out is to engage the part of the brain that’s resourceful, flexible, and present: what PQ calls the Sage. The good news is that a few simple tools can help us return to groundedness, presence, and genuine gratitude—no matter what the holidays bring. As that same blog explains, “The way out is through a completely different approach: physical awareness.” The most foundational practice is the PQ Rep: a brief moment of nonjudgmental attention on a physical sensation—like the feeling the breeze on your face or the weight of your feet on the floor. This 10-second exercise does two powerful things:
Will a single 10-second practice save you every time a relative says something crazy-making? Probably not, but just like doing bicep curls builds stronger muscles, doing these short PQ Reps over time strengthens your ability to access the more resourceful part of yourself when you need it most. If you're interested in the science behind all of this, you can find it here. So this Thanksgiving, let’s engage with each other with more ease, presence, and joy so we can truly appreciate one another. If you want to find out more, sign up for my newsletter to hear about upcoming workshops where we’ll explore these ideas more deeply! Happy Thanksgiving!  Last fall, I listened to a podcast that changed my perspective on fear. It was an episode of This American Life titled "Swim Towards the Shark." In this episode, Sarah Polley shares her journey of recovering from a debilitating concussion. After years of struggling with minimal recovery, a doctor advised her to “Run toward the danger” and embrace loud environments such as parties and gatherings—to help retrain her brain and encourage healing. She took this advice and, within a few months, she noticed dramatic improvements. She also noticed this new “Run towards the danger” mentality spread to other areas of her life. After a lifetime of anxiousness, she was able to do things she never dreamed possible before her accident, such as speak to large groups. Instead of avoiding discomfort, she embraced it, advocating for the transformative power of facing one’s fears head-on. I found myself riveted when listening to this podcast. As a lifelong worrier with a strong hyper-vigilant streak, I found the notion of running towards things we’re scared of intoxicating. It went deeply against the grain of my upbringing. So I embraced it with a slight tweak. Instead of “Run toward the danger,” my mantra is “Run towards the fear”. This simple phrase, “Run towards the fear,” has changed so much in my life and continues to open me up to notions of what I’m capable of. Whenever I notice the tightening of fear based on self-doubt, I start running right towards the thing I am scared of, and this has increased my tolerance of fear and uncertainty. A presentation I’ve been invited to give to an impressive group? Run towards it. A party I've been invited to, but don’t know anyone? Run towards it. A new intimidating client when my imposter syndrome flares up? Run towards it. A difficult conversation with a loved one? Run towards it. Maybe it took reaching my 50s to feel comfortable with this notion, but when I listen to my intuition and combine it with the mantra of “Run towards the fear”, it makes me braver than I thought possible. What do you want to run towards today?   Do you feel like you’re running on empty? You’re not alone. That’s why I’m offering a 90-minute Resilience Recharge virtual workshop at no cost—to give you practical tools to quiet your inner saboteurs, boost calm and focus, and leave you feeling stronger, even in challenging times. In this Positive Intelligence session, you’ll learn to identify the mental saboteurs that drain your energy and replace them with strategies to build focus, clarity, and resilience. You’ll walk away with tools you can use immediately—and get a preview of the 8-week Rewire Your Mind program for deeper transformation. I hope to see you there! Upcoming Workshops Monday, October 6 — 2 PM PT / 5 PM ET Wednesday, October 8 — 10 AM PT / 1 PM ET  I am a child of the '80s, and I have a vivid memory from about 3rd grade that I associate with the idea of celebration. It was Back-to-School night, and my PE teacher, Coach Judy, had all the students on the gym floor showcasing our PE skills. I was in a line with three other kids, and we were dribbling basketballs to the beat of Kool & The Gang's "Celebrate." I remember standing there, awkwardly bouncing that basketball, hoping to impress my parents with my skills. Every time I hear the song "Celebrate," I think of that performance, and it brings a smile to my face. I can still visualize the gym at Chesterfield Day School in St. Louis, Missouri, so clearly. It had colorful, life-size silhouettes of children painted on the walls, depicting kids walking, jumping, and running in a hive of joyful activity. One wall had a yellow silhouette of a jumping girl with a swinging ponytail. She was about my size, and I loved to imagine that it was me painted there. When we were children, we didn’t have to be told to celebrate; children often just have a joyful, celebratory attitude. But as I coach, I often have to encourage my clients to celebrate their wins--and they often resist. For the past year, I have been joyfully and deeply involved in the Positive Intelligence program created by Shirzad Chamine. In the Positive Intelligence (PQ) framework, one of the most powerful tools for building mental fitness is learning to celebrate tiny wins. It might sound simple—even insignificant—but this small practice has a big impact. Our brains are wired to focus on threats and problems; that’s how we’ve survived. But to thrive, we need to retrain our minds to notice what’s going right. Celebrating small victories like cleaning out the sock drawer, going through your mail, or making that mammogram appointment creates positive neural pathways. These tiny moments of success are like reps at the mental gym. When we acknowledge and savor even the smallest progress, we reinforce our capacity to grow and change. We are often so hard on ourselves, focusing on what we are not doing. Today, let’s take a few minutes to celebrate all that we ARE doing and bring some spontaneous joy and celebration into our day. If you like this post, then you may like Your Wild and Precious Life. See you soon.   Image: Josh Campbell Unsplash I recently had an "ah-ha" moment while reading Consider the Fork: A History of How We Cook and Eat by Bee Wilson—a book I enjoyed for its curious dive into the history of cooking. One small detail stuck with me: the word focus comes from the Latin word for “fireplace” or “hearth.” At first, it might seem like a strange connection. What does a fireplace have to do with concentration? But when you think about it, the link makes sense. For millennia, fire was the literal and symbolic center of community life, something we relied on for warmth, food, and light. It was our gathering place, where families shared stories, stayed cozy, and connected after dark. The Online Etymology Dictionary adds more insight. In post-classical Latin, focus was used not just for “fire” but also figuratively for “home” or “family.” Later, the meaning shifted—perhaps inspired by the “burning point” of a lens—to describe a “point of convergence” or the “center of activity or energy.” My parents live in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, a place with long winters and beautiful summers. Fires– whether in their huge stone fireplace when it's well below zero in the winter, or roasting marshmallows over the fire pit by the lake in the summer–have a central place in my family memories. Even in this digital age, it's a place of stories, laughing, and quiet contemplation, but always a focus of our attention. Sitting around the fire together just feels special. Isn't it fascinating how focus, a word we now associate with harnessing our attention, once described the heart of the home and family? Today, focus often feels like a solitary pursuit; we focus our energy on achieving our personal goals, but perhaps others are the missing ingredient. The most amazing achievements always seem to come out of the focused effort of a community. My question for you: How is your focus impacted by others? Are there certain activities that are just more enjoyable when you are doing them with others? How can you bring more of these into your life? If you like this post, then you may like How to Hack Your Brain with Your Body. See you soon.  Don't miss the Find Your Focus newsletter. It’s full of useful and practical ways to bridge the gap between knowing and doing to help you reach your goals. Newsletter subscribers also receive special discounts and first access to upcoming group coaching offers and memberships.
 We have come to the last modality explored in Denslow Brown’s Processing Modalities. If you need a refresher on this concept, read my previous post Discover Your Unique Modalities and How They Shape Your Perception. Today we look at the Intuitive Modality which Brown describes as encompassing “Knowing without knowing how you know” which is a description I love! INTUITIVE: What is intuition? Brown states “There’s no widely-accepted, scientifically-based evidence of how intuitivly-based processes occur in the body.” Oxford Languages defines intuition as “The ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.” Many people would describe intuition as a "gut feeling", a "hunch", or "just knowing". I rely strongly on the intuitive modality, particularly in my coaching work. That’s not because I believe I'm especially intuitively gifted, but because I find that tuning into my intuition allows me to connect deeply with my clients. For me, it all begins with my body, and specifically my heart. When I slow down, place a hand on my heart, and close my eyes, it is almost as if a doorway to connection opens. It’s not guaranteed, but it is more likely to happen when I am present with my body. If this sounds familiar you may be considered gifted in the intuitive modality on Brown’s Processing Modality Strength Continuum. Intuitively gifted individuals may use their abilities as healers or artists. They also may be able to see and make connections where others don’t.  The intuitive modality also varies in sensitivity. Some individuals may not see any value in intuition or struggle to access it, while others may be highly responsive to intuitive information, allowing it to influence too much of their life. Brown’s concept of the Processing Modality Sensitivity Continuum offers a framework for understanding these differences, ranging from hyposensitive (disinterested) to competent to hypersensitive (excessively sensitive).  How do you relate to the intuitive modality? Do you tend to know things without knowing how you know them? Do you get this information from your body or somewhere else? Is nature involved? When you tap into this ability, do you find yourself making different decisions than you would otherwise? Thank you for going on this deep-dive journey of exploring all nine of Denslow Brown’s Processing Modalities. It's been a fun trip! If you’re ready to dive into and harness your modalities, schedule a complimentary Clarity Call below! Learn about all nine Processing Modalities: VISUAL The Power of Sight: Engaging with Your Surroundings Using the Visual Modality AUDITORY The Art of Listening: How Sound and Silence Influence Our Productivity KINESTHETIC Build Focus with Movement: Understanding the Mind-Body Connection TACTILE Feeling the Difference: How Touch Affects Your Space and Mood TASTE & SMELL Elevate Your Workspace: Using Taste & Smell for a More Inspiring Environment VERBAL Verbal Processing Modalities: How Language Shapes Our Experience EMOTIONAL How Emotions Influence our Bodies and our Ability to Stay Focused COGNITIVE Knowing Your Mind: Navigating the Cognitive Modality INTUITIVE Cultivating Intuitive Knowing: Learning to Tap into Your Inner Wisdom © 2013 Denslow Brown. From the book, The Processing Modalities Guide by Denslow Brown Hickory Guild Press, 2012 $25 www.OrganizerCoach.com   Let’s continue our exploration of Denslow Brown’s Processing Modalities. If you need a refresher on this concept, read my previous post Discover Your Unique Modalities and How They Shape Your Perception. Today, we look at the Cognitive Modality, which Brown describes as encompassing “The processes of understanding and mental knowing.” COGNITIVE: Do you consider yourself highly analytical, logical, or strategic? Do you love looking at a problem from every angle? What about making pro/con lists? If so, you may be considered gifted in the cognitive modality on Brown’s Processing Modality Strength Continuum.  Cognitively gifted individuals often use their abilities to solve complex problems and explore issues from multiple perspectives. They may excel in fields like engineering or statistics. Being a deep and complex thinker is a valuable skill that is much needed in today’s world. However, relying too heavily on the cognitive modality can sometimes lead to analysis paralysis, where people get stuck in endless loops of gathering information without making decisions. Those with a weaker cognitive modality may have trouble navigating dilemmas and may find it hard to come to clear decisions. I have to admit, as I write this, perimenopause immediately comes to mind! Brain fog is a common symptom during this stage, and it can definitely make it feel like our cognitive abilities are compromised at times. Of course, our cognitive function can also be affected by factors like whether we have ADHD, the quality of our sleep, and the amount of stress we're under. The cognitive modality also has variations in sensitivity. Some individuals may be unmoved by facts, while others may be overwhelmed by too much information. Brown’s concept of the Processing Modality Sensitivity Continuum provides a framework for understanding these variations in sensitivity which range from hyposensitive (unaware or uninterested) to competent to hypersensitive (overwhelmed).  How do you relate to the cognitive modality? Do you tend to rely on scientific or logical thinking? If so, how does this impact your life? Are there times when it might be more beneficial to step back from this approach and allow another modality to take the lead for different insights? Learn about all nine Processing Modalities: VISUAL The Power of Sight: Engaging with Your Surroundings Using the Visual Modality AUDITORY The Art of Listening: How Sound and Silence Influence Our Productivity KINESTHETIC Build Focus with Movement: Understanding the Mind-Body Connection TACTILE Feeling the Difference: How Touch Affects Your Space and Mood TASTE & SMELL Elevate Your Workspace: Using Taste & Smell for a More Inspiring Environment VERBAL Verbal Processing Modalities: How Language Shapes Our Experience EMOTIONAL How Emotions Influence our Bodies and our Ability to Stay Focused COGNITIVE Knowing Your Mind: Navigating the Cognitive Modality INTUITIVE Cultivating Intuitive Knowing: Learning to Tap into Your Inner Wisdom © 2013 Denslow Brown. From the book, The Processing Modalities Guide by Denslow Brown Hickory Guild Press, 2012 $25 www.OrganizerCoach.com  Don't miss the Find Your Focus newsletter. It’s full of useful and practical ways to bridge the gap between knowing and doing to help you reach your goals. Newsletter subscribers also receive special discounts and first access to upcoming group coaching offers and memberships.
 Let’s continue our exploration of Denslow Brown’s Processing Modalities. If you need a refresher on this concept, read my previous post Discover Your Unique Modalities and How They Shape Your Perception. Today we look at the Emotional Modality which Brown describes as “Operating under the influence of feelings and connections to relationships, things, values, and causes.” EMOTIONAL: You could cut the tension with a knife. The feeling in the air was electric. The silence was deafening. Can you relate to these examples of picking up on others' emotions? Maybe you walk into a room and immediately sense the mood, or others seem to find your demeanor calming, or you always find yourself moved to tears at a certain song. If so, you may be considered gifted on Brown’s Processing Modality Strength Continuum. Emotionally gifted people may use their gifts as writers, actors, public speakers, or therapists. They keenly sense others' emotions and can connect to their audience. But as Brown says “These examples indicate gifted emotional understanding, and expression, but don’t necessarily reflect individual emotional maturity or health.” I think this is an important point. For those of us who can pick up on other's emotions, it's important to find healthy ways to process our own emotions and not take on the emotions of others as a way of supporting them. This has taken me a lifetime to learn! Being out of sync with our emotions can greatly affect our bodies. Whether it shows up as tension, restlessness, or fatigue, when we ignore how our mental state is impacting our physical body, we don't show up at our best and our performance and relationships suffer. Someone for whom the emotional modality is weak may be unable to detect the emotional state of others or this ability may be impaired. Those on the Autism spectrum or with conditions such as mood disorders may have a challenging time detecting their own or others' emotions.  The emotional modality also has variations in sensitivity. Some individuals may be extremely emotionally reactive and thrown into chaos by seemingly small events. This can lead to a cycle of overstimulation and exhaustion. For other individuals, they are unaware of - or unmoved by - the emotions of others, which may impact the level of connection they experience. Brown’s concept of the Processing Modality Sensitivity Continuum provides a framework for understanding these variations in sensitivity which range from hyposensitive (unaware) to competent to hypersensitive (very aware).  How do you relate to emotions? Do you fully feel your feelings when they come up, or do you shut them down? Do you love a good cry with a friend or run at the first tear? We can learn so much about our emotional state by paying attention to the sensations in our bodies, which is often the first clue that something is going on. When that tension shows up in your neck, or you feel the familiar urge to start scrolling through Instagram, take a moment to tap into the sensations in your body. Feel them fully for a few breaths then ask "What is needed in this moment to support my body and mind?" Learn about all nine Processing Modalities: VISUAL The Power of Sight: Engaging with Your Surroundings Using the Visual Modality AUDITORY The Art of Listening: How Sound and Silence Influence Our Productivity KINESTHETIC Build Focus with Movement: Understanding the Mind-Body Connection TACTILE Feeling the Difference: How Touch Affects Your Space and Mood TASTE & SMELL Elevate Your Workspace: Using Taste & Smell for a More Inspiring Environment VERBAL Verbal Processing Modalities: How Language Shapes Our Experience EMOTIONAL How Emotions Influence our Bodies and our Ability to Stay Focused COGNITIVE Knowing Your Mind: Navigating the Cognitive Modality INTUITIVE Cultivating Intuitive Knowing: Learning to Tap into Your Inner Wisdom © 2013 Denslow Brown. From the book, The Processing Modalities Guide by Denslow Brown Hickory Guild Press, 2012 $25 www.OrganizerCoach.com Ready to take action?
Schedule a complimentary Clarity Call to get started.  Before I began coaching training, I saw life coaching as something meant for others—people with extra time or resources. It all seemed a bit self-indulgent. After years of training, experience, and witnessing my clients' transformations, I’ve come to see coaching as a vital tool for personal growth, self-awareness, and purposeful action. As a PQ Mental Fitness coach, I help you respond to life's challenges with a positive mindset and tangible tools. I'm passionate about helping you connect with the things that light you up, navigate the inevitable challenges, and offer support, new perspectives, and accountability. WITH THE SUPPORT OF A COACH YOU CAN:
Harness your focus Move past organizing hurdles Take charge of your time Uncover your unique strengths Address the challenges of ADHD Create accountability Increase your mental fitness If you're wondering if coaching is right for you, the Mindset Quiz is a great place to start. |
AuthorErin Becker is a Ready for coaching? Take the quiz to find out!
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